Bracing For Impact

My brother and sister-in-law and their two beautiful little boys are coming out to ye olde farm for a visit next week. These will be the first extended-stay guests that we've had in the new house, and therefore call for the first ever deep-cleaning of the new, 85 year-old house.

If I didn't hate well water before today (I did), I super, mega officially hate it now. I have to use scary chemicals that I abhor to get the gnarly rusty drip marks off of the bottom of my tub. We condition our water, but apparently enough iron remains that over the space of six months, it can accumulate enough to look like you've been showering in orange kool-aid.

I'm also going to use a little tax-return moolah to spring for a proper vacuum. I've been told that the Dyson pet hair model is the way to go. We don't have hairy indoor pets, but we do have a house full of individuals with eastern European genetics, so the pet hair function may come in handy after all. I am both scared and nerdily curious to see what and how much junk this thing pulls out of my carpets.

In addition to the sprucing up, I need to review my child-proofing. My nephews, God love them, will wait for the second you turn your back to take a pair of scissors to their socks (the 5 year old), draw on your Harley-Davidson with a sharpie (also the 5 year old) or attempt to fly, Batman-style off of the second floor balcony, using a sheet as his cape (come to think of it, that was the 5 year old too). Maybe I just need to hog-tie the big one and the little one and I will just hang out and snuggle?

So I'm in a bit of a nesting frenzy this week. I know that I'm going to drive myself (and by extension, Bill) nuts sweating the details right up until the minute that our guests arrive, but once the initial impression of the place is gelled in their minds, I instantly stop caring about the Martha details and just let it all go and enjoy their company. I'm really looking forward to our two families of four being one noisy herd of eight for a few weeks.

I especially like hanging with my nephews. I grew up in an all-girl house, and only having daughters myself, have sort of missed out on the boy experience. They are NUTS, and I love them for it. Maybe I can channel the energy of the 5-year old, aka, Sir Yaps A Lot, Mr. Sharpie, Doomed Batman, in a fruitful direction? What are the child labor laws in Washington state concerning kindergartners milking goats?

Nah, I'd better not. Knowing him, he'd probably sneak some scissors up there and give Spike an unflattering haircut.


No one looks good in The Rachel. No one.